Mick Jagger could French-kiss a moose. He has child-bearing lips.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.

I was not an attractive child.

I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.

The Palestinians cannot throw rockets and expect people not to defend themselves

What could be nicer than to have three horrible children behind you in an airplane, and the next set, you go onstage and you talk about how much you despise the children and what you would like to do to them on an airplane? That's the only time I would gladly take a terrorist on. It'd be worth it to get rid of these children.