People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.

The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.

I am furious about everything.

I think it was Cosby who also said to me, 'If only 2 percent of the world thinks you're funny, you'll still fill stadiums for the rest of your life.'

Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?

Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery; come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!