It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.

[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I'm sure some of you are wondering whether my breasts are real. Let me just explain to you. This one is, this one isn't.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

Women should look good. Work on yourselves. Education? I spit on education. No man is ever going to put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.