Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'

The nice thing about Viagra is that they are proving men can go blind on it, so you can gain weight and have a great sex life.

Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

Somehow, some way, every person in the arts has to find an accommodation with disappointment and embarrassment. They are the pollen in the air we breathe. If you must go into the arts, go into them for yourself alone. On some basic level you must enjoy the act of doing it ... Otherwise, you are going to end up frustrated and unhappy. Recognition in the arts is luck and gravy.

If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.

What are people going to do? Fire me? I've been fired before. Not book me? I've been out of work before. I don't care.