My mother was a very elegant woman. When a flying saucer landed on the lawn, she turned it over to see if it was Wedgwood.

You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.

There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I've Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.

I could be the Greta Garbo of comedy, very secluded, but Garbo had a man who was beyond rich to support her.

Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'

A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and wake Mommy before noon.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.