My mother was a very elegant woman. When a flying saucer landed on the lawn, she turned it over to see if it was Wedgwood.

Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery; come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!

We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.

A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and wake Mommy before noon.

Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.