My mother was a very elegant woman. When a flying saucer landed on the lawn, she turned it over to see if it was Wedgwood.

I hate reality shows that are not reality.

A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year - and has yet to receive a Mother's Day card from one of them.

I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.

Does fashion matter? Always - though not quite as much after death.

You know it's time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.

I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.