Grandchildren can be annoying - how many times can you go: "And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink"? It's like talking to a supermodel.

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

Women should look good. Work on yourselves. Education? I spit on education. No man is ever going to put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.

You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.

The nice thing about Viagra is that they are proving men can go blind on it, so you can gain weight and have a great sex life.

[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.

I've learned from my dealings with Johnny Carson that no matter what kind of friendship you think you have with people you're working with, when the chips are down, it's all about business.