My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.

All my friends are dying. That's why I always wear black.

Marriage isn't a contest to see who is most often right. Marriage requires being what the Japanese call 'the wise bamboo,' which means you bend so you don't break. Treat your spouse with the flexibility and respect you would give to a top client. Think how we treat clients; We smile, we are polite, we listen to their ideas. Never forget that your spouse is your most important client.

I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”

I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.

I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.