My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.

Never floss with a stranger.

The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.

A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year - and has yet to receive a Mother's Day card from one of them.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.