[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.

Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.

You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.

If I found Yoko Ono floating in my pool, I'd punish my dog.

You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.

[On plastic surgery:] My motto is: 'Anything that can be lifted should be lifted. Anything that falls should be caught. And try to catch any falling stuff before it hits the ground.

Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young'; it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.