I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.
I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.