A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

Emotional troubles are like landfill. Get them outside, and the air disintegrates them.

Grandchildren can be annoying - how many times can you go: "And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink"? It's like talking to a supermodel.

I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked

I was my own buddy in camp.

I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done. You can tune me out, you can click me off, it's OK. I am not going to bow to political correctness.

I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.