A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.

I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done. You can tune me out, you can click me off, it's OK. I am not going to bow to political correctness.

When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.