A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.

I was just reading about the new Lindsay Lohan diet, which is all liquid. 80 proof.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.

Two is company; three is fifty bucks.

I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.