If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
I could be the Greta Garbo of comedy, very secluded, but Garbo had a man who was beyond rich to support her.
I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.