I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.

The nice thing about Viagra is that they are proving men can go blind on it, so you can gain weight and have a great sex life.

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.

I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.

The last time I appeared in Las Vegas, they were wearing hoop skirts and Davy Crockett hats, ... But they say 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.' And as far as fashion is concerned, that's a good thing.

I said to my husband, 'my boobs have gone, my stomach's gone, say something nice about my legs.' He said, 'Blue goes with everything.'