I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.

I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked

I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.

All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.

Having my daughter, I screamed for twenty-three hours straight. And that was just during conception.

Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.

Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.