I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.

The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius' bathroom floor.

Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.

I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.

Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.