I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

Life is very tough, you know. You sit at a dinner party and talk to the person on your right or your left, you're going to hear something terribly sad, or horrible, or awful. And you just laugh at everything. I think it was Winston Churchill who said something like, any time you get someone to laugh, you're giving them a little vacation. It's so true. You laugh for one second, you're happy. I find in negotiations, everybody's sitting around looking so serious, I say something funny and it breaks the ice. And it's like, now we can get through this.

You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.

The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.

My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.