I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked

Dogs are easier to love than people; they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.

I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.

There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had the baby. He was there for the birth. It would've been nice if he was there for the conception.

My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.

If I found Yoko Ono floating in my pool, I'd punish my dog.