The glass is always half empty. All good comedians are manic-depressive.
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
She's so fat, she's my two best friends.
Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.