They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.

On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

I hate reality shows that are not reality.

Life is a movie, and you're the star. Give it a happy ending.

I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.

I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.