I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

She's so hairy - when she lifted up her arm I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit.

But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.

Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.

There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I've Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.

With this face, I need all the deals I can get.