Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.

Boy George is all England needs. Another queen who can't dress.

Dogs are easier to love than people; they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.

You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.

The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.