She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed is when he's having an asthma attack.

And since we're all adults here, let's be brutally honest-most babies are not actually attractive. In fact, they're weird and freakish looking. A large percentage of them are squinty-eyed and bald and their faces are all mushed toegther, kind of like Renee Zellweger pushed up against a glass window.

Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!

At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.