I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.

The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!

Every television show you go on is a choice.

I hate thin people; 'Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?'

There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.