I said to my husband, 'my boobs have gone, my stomach's gone, say something nice about my legs.' He said, 'Blue goes with everything.'

Here's a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

Both of my parents got to see me host Carson, thank God. That's all anyone wants: to have their parents see they're going to be all right in life.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.

I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.