I said to my husband, 'my boobs have gone, my stomach's gone, say something nice about my legs.' He said, 'Blue goes with everything.'

But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.

With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.

Everyone takes fashion so seriously! It's fashion - enjoy it!

What could be nicer than to have three horrible children behind you in an airplane, and the next set, you go onstage and you talk about how much you despise the children and what you would like to do to them on an airplane? That's the only time I would gladly take a terrorist on. It'd be worth it to get rid of these children.

Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.

All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.