I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
I was my own buddy in camp.
I’m never without a bandage.
I hate McDonald's. I don't want to order my dinner by yelling into a clown's mouth. If I want my face in a clown's mouth, I'll tongue kiss Glenn Beck.
I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.