I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life; my gynecologist examines me by telephone.

Mick Jagger could French-kiss a moose. He has child-bearing lips.

I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.

Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.

My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.

My mother was a very elegant woman. When a flying saucer landed on the lawn, she turned it over to see if it was Wedgwood.

Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up - and gay men should stand up at least halfway.