I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.

Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.

Better laid than never.

Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.

A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

What are people going to do? Fire me? I've been fired before. Not book me? I've been out of work before. I don't care.