I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.

Here's a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.

Omaha is a little like Newark, without Newark's glamour.

There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.

Comedy exists to laugh at things that aren't laughable. But isn't it? That's what separates us from the animals. We laugh.

Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!

I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.