Comedy is a very rough beat. It's no holds barred, as it should be.

Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.

I think it was Cosby who also said to me, 'If only 2 percent of the world thinks you're funny, you'll still fill stadiums for the rest of your life.'

Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.

And since we're all adults here, let's be brutally honest-most babies are not actually attractive. In fact, they're weird and freakish looking. A large percentage of them are squinty-eyed and bald and their faces are all mushed toegther, kind of like Renee Zellweger pushed up against a glass window.

You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.

I was just reading about the new Lindsay Lohan diet, which is all liquid. 80 proof.