Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had the baby. He was there for the birth. It would've been nice if he was there for the conception.

A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.

In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.

I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'

My father was a doctor so I was around death all my life. So, I was very used to it because he was a f-king doctor.

Comedy exists to laugh at things that aren't laughable. But isn't it? That's what separates us from the animals. We laugh.