The Palestinians cannot throw rockets and expect people not to defend themselves

I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.

Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.

I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.

What are people going to do? Fire me? I've been fired before. Not book me? I've been out of work before. I don't care.

I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.