My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
All babies look like Renรฉe Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
I use a smoke alarm as a timer.
People are arguing whether Mel Gibson's "Passion of the Christ" is anti-semitic. Well, whether it is or it isn't, it doesn't matter, because I've been in touch with his accounting firm, Rosencrantz, Levy and Stern, and they're screwing him out of his profits.