We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.

You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, "Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia?" Shelia had died at birth.

With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.

You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.

If you hate something, you hate it, and if you like something or somebody, you like it, but tell the truth. And most celebrities have that thin veneer that they will not break for you.