You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.

I love gay and lesbian parents. But I think we need a law that says lesbians and gay men have to raise their children together. This way, the kids would not only know how to build bookshelves, but they'd also instinctively know how to decorate them.

"I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'"

The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.

Every television show you go on is a choice.

I've learned from my dealings with Johnny Carson that no matter what kind of friendship you think you have with people you're working with, when the chips are down, it's all about business.

moving on is a gift you give yourself.