Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played "Here Comes the Bride".

"I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'"

I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.

I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.

keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.

I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.