I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.

The people voting for the Oscars are so old. I haven't seen one Academy award voter with a tampon in her purse.

I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done. You can tune me out, you can click me off, it's OK. I am not going to bow to political correctness.

My mother was a very elegant woman. When a flying saucer landed on the lawn, she turned it over to see if it was Wedgwood.

Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: "Last Girl Before Freeway."