I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

Here's a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.

Life is so tough. I don't know how old you are, but I've seen so much in a wink. One phone call and your life is changed forever. We all know that. You better laugh at everything.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.

I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.