I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.

Comedy is a very rough beat. It's no holds barred, as it should be.

Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.

Edgar had a heart attack, and I'm to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.

Here's a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.

I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.