I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'

A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.

I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.

Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you're okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.

Mick Jagger could French-kiss a moose. He has child-bearing lips.

A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.