moving on is a gift you give yourself.

Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.

I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played "Here Comes the Bride".

People are arguing whether Mel Gibson's "Passion of the Christ" is anti-semitic. Well, whether it is or it isn't, it doesn't matter, because I've been in touch with his accounting firm, Rosencrantz, Levy and Stern, and they're screwing him out of his profits.

I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage I feel I am starting from scratch, still not quite sure what I am doing and where I am going, thrown by the simplest thing that goes wrong.