God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'

At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass!

Both of my parents got to see me host Carson, thank God. That's all anyone wants: to have their parents see they're going to be all right in life.

The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius' bathroom floor.

The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you're acting; listen only to yourself.