God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.

Never admit that your back goes out more than you do

All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.

Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.

I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays

Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.