I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.

There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I've Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

My personal style is over-the-top dowager. The old days they said get dressed and take one thing off, I say get dressed and put one thing on.

Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.

My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.