Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.

I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.

A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.

I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.

you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.

Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.

Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.