I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me "sir."
At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.