At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.

I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done. You can tune me out, you can click me off, it's OK. I am not going to bow to political correctness.

keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.

No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.