And since we're all adults here, let's be brutally honest-most babies are not actually attractive. In fact, they're weird and freakish looking. A large percentage of them are squinty-eyed and bald and their faces are all mushed toegther, kind of like Renee Zellweger pushed up against a glass window.

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.

Tonight I'll be interviewing Ken Watanabe, Keisha Castle Hughes, Benecio Del Toro and Djimon Honsou - and yes, those are actors, not caterers.

Mel Gibson's father doesn't think there was a Holocaust? Great. I don't think there's a movie. We're even.