And since we're all adults here, let's be brutally honest-most babies are not actually attractive. In fact, they're weird and freakish looking. A large percentage of them are squinty-eyed and bald and their faces are all mushed toegther, kind of like Renee Zellweger pushed up against a glass window.

My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, "pick up, I know you're there."

Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.

That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.

I think I'm in a business where you have to look good, and it's totally youth-oriented.

Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.