Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.

I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, "Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe."

I am furious about everything.

The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you're acting; listen only to yourself.

Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.

I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.

Both of my parents got to see me host Carson, thank God. That's all anyone wants: to have their parents see they're going to be all right in life.