My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.

The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are 'age appropriate.' For me that would be a shroud.

I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.

All my friends are dying. That's why I always wear black.

I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.

I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.

Don't cook. Don't clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.