You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.

I can't wear yellow anymore. It's too matchy-matchy with my catheter.

I was just reading about the new Lindsay Lohan diet, which is all liquid. 80 proof.

Edgar had a heart attack, and I'm to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.

When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.

keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.

After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.