Life is very tough, you know. You sit at a dinner party and talk to the person on your right or your left, you're going to hear something terribly sad, or horrible, or awful. And you just laugh at everything. I think it was Winston Churchill who said something like, any time you get someone to laugh, you're giving them a little vacation. It's so true. You laugh for one second, you're happy. I find in negotiations, everybody's sitting around looking so serious, I say something funny and it breaks the ice. And it's like, now we can get through this.
Joan Riversmy cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.
Joan RiversDogs are easier to love than people; they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
Joan RiversJoan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery; come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
Joan RiversIf you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
Joan Rivers