Life is very tough, you know. You sit at a dinner party and talk to the person on your right or your left, you're going to hear something terribly sad, or horrible, or awful. And you just laugh at everything. I think it was Winston Churchill who said something like, any time you get someone to laugh, you're giving them a little vacation. It's so true. You laugh for one second, you're happy. I find in negotiations, everybody's sitting around looking so serious, I say something funny and it breaks the ice. And it's like, now we can get through this.

Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.

Run scared ... and they never catch you.

I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.

I started my career in a town so small the local clinic was called Fred's Hospital and Grill.

Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.

to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.