There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.

The last time I appeared in Las Vegas, they were wearing hoop skirts and Davy Crockett hats, ... But they say 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.' And as far as fashion is concerned, that's a good thing.

They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.

Edgar had a heart attack, and I'm to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.

I’m never without a bandage.

A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year - and has yet to receive a Mother's Day card from one of them.