When you first get married, they open the car door for you. Eighteen years now...once he opened the car door for me in the last four years - we were on the freeway at the time.

I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.

Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you're okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.

With this face, I need all the deals I can get.

Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.

I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.

She's so hairy - when she lifted up her arm I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit.