Everyone thinks Angelina Jolie was the first celebrity baby hoarder, but she wasn't. Before Angelina there was Mia Farrow. Mia had an entire farm full of children. I think she got them at Costco.

Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.

I've learned from doing my own show with Fox that people are not your partners if they're signing the checks. Whoever signs your paycheck is the boss - no matter what they tell you.

Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.

I'm at the top, top, top of my game now. I'm so happy to be on that stage, I'm in control of it, and I love every minute of it. I walk onstage in rehearsal and I start to smile. And so I just don't care what anyone else is doing. Do what you want, say what you want. Nobody else can do what I do onstage. Nobody.

I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.

If you can't make fun of yourself, you don't have any right to make fun of others