I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
Joan RiversOprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
Joan RiversIn life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only surprise is a day that has none.
Joan RiversI'm so fat and I'm so depressed; last night I tried to hang myself - but the rope broke.
Joan RiversI've always hate child stars, starting from way back when, when I was a child. The first child star I saw was Shirley Temple. She was six years old, two foot six and the biggest star in Hollywood. She wore ribbons in her hair, and frilly little pinafores and shiny patent-leather tap shoes - just like the boys in Glee do.
Joan Rivers