With this face, I need all the deals I can get.

God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.

I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

She's so fat, she's my two best friends.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

Victoria Beckham is so nasty, why doesn't she just go home?! Her dresses are beautiful, but I don't care what she does. She's mean to all the people around her. She's too short to be a diva. We all use the same hairdressers, make-up artists, limo-drivers and greeters at the airports in LA and nobody has anything nice to say about her. They say she's rude. She can't always just be having a bad day.