I was just reading about the new Lindsay Lohan diet, which is all liquid. 80 proof.

I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag.

Here's a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.

I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed is when he's having an asthma attack.

[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.

My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.

That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.