Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

I think we all in comedi business, especially when we reach a certain age, are divas up to a point. I love when a limousine comes for me, I can't lie about that. I love when you go to a restaurant and they say, "Come this way, Miss Rivers," and you get a good table. I love all that, the perks that come with the business.

Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'

Every television show you go on is a choice.

The people voting for the Oscars are so old. I haven't seen one Academy award voter with a tampon in her purse.

What could be nicer than to have three horrible children behind you in an airplane, and the next set, you go onstage and you talk about how much you despise the children and what you would like to do to them on an airplane? That's the only time I would gladly take a terrorist on. It'd be worth it to get rid of these children.

I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.