Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.

Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.

I think it was Cosby who also said to me, 'If only 2 percent of the world thinks you're funny, you'll still fill stadiums for the rest of your life.'

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.

Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.

It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up.