Don't talk to me about gravity. When I get out of bed in the morning, I have to be careful not to step on my breasts.

I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.

keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.

Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.

Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.

I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.

You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.