I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
moving on is a gift you give yourself.
"I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'"
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.