Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!

The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.

Comedy exists to laugh at things that aren't laughable. But isn't it? That's what separates us from the animals. We laugh.

No man will ever put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.

Having a baby can be a scream.

I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.